Remember the time when as a kid you refused to meet new people because you were shy. Your parents would either force you or say sorry for your behavior. Since our childhood, saying no is considered as a bad habit. Many of us are taught to say yes too early and no too late. Disobeying our elders or being arrogant, everyone is quick to point out why we should not be saying no.
It is okay to say yes, but anything in excess is harmful. Say yes too much and always find yourself in uncomfortable situations. Say no too much and watch people drift away from you citing your rudeness as the reason. There should be a balance between the two so that it doesn’t affect your relations or overwhelm you.
There’s this stigma that saying no would put us in a position where we will be judged harshly. But it’s better than doing something we don’t want to. We always want to be a people pleaser no matter how it would affect us.
Why so much emphasis on saying no? Because even after living more than 2 decades on earth, most of us have a hard time saying just these 2 letters. You might disappoint someone very close to you, hurt someone you never wanted to or loose people. Do you think they’re worth it if they don’t get you or your reasons behind saying no? It’s time to change how we think about saying no to someone. Sometimes it can be a good thing and there are many reasons for it.
When you say no you’re implying that you’re not always available.
Always saying yes to people would lower your importance in their lives. When you start saying no to things you don’t want to do, it will show that you too have other responsibilities in life. Some might be hostile in the beginning, but at least you’ll know who actually cares about you. You create an image in their mind that you will only be available when it’s comfortable for you. They cannot expect you to show up all the time.
You save your time & energy when you say no to things you’re not willing to do.
You often overwhelm yourself with work by saying yes to everything anyone asks you to do. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re not being helpful, it simply means you will only take up work you have the time & energy to do. You will always be occupied with work that isn’t even yours, stopping you from getting ahead in your own life. Start saying no to things you don’t want to do or have time for. Your future self will thank you for this. Let them get ahead in life by their own efforts. Don’t overwhelm yourself just because you want to please others.
Say no to people instead of disappointing them later.
Say yes when asked to do something because you don’t know how to say no and do those things half-heartedly. Say no to things which you don’t want to do & let them do the work more efficiently. Which one sounds more logical? For sure the latter because there’s no point in doing work just for the sake of it. What benefit would it do to you when you took so much pain to do something you never wanted to do only to disappoint them. They most probably would have to do it again which will only lead to duplication of efforts and waste of your time.
Don’t waste your time and efforts to disappoint someone at the end, start saying no.
Now that you know why saying no is a good thing. I know it’s hard to change a habit that’s been inbuilt in you since childhood, you are conditioned this way. How can you just change so fast? Well, the change is not gonna happen drastically.
Once you start taking these small steps and see how it benefits you, it will get easier.
Start by saying no to small things.
Decline that dinner with friends when you’re tired and just want to watch tv and eventually sleep. Start from the small things, so you don’t feel guilty altogether. Understand how you feel when you say no, it can be a relief or you’ll immediately feel bad. Both things are normal to feel. Slowly you will see you’re a lot calmer and organized . You don’t permit unnecessary conversations or work into your life.
Prioritize your tasks.
If you still want to agree to do work for others, make sure you schedule them after your work is done. Don’t delay the work that is yours to do someone else’s. Prioritize your tasks and make them clear that you will only take up their work if your own work is done with. It also applies to conversations or meetings with friends or family. Prioritize people. Do not neglect them to pay attention to someone who isn’t really important in your life.
Establish healthy boundaries.
Establishing boundaries sounds like “I cannot do this work for you anymore, I have my own work commitments”, ” I need space” or ” I want to relax at home tonight, can we do this any other day?”. You don’t have to be rude or come off as blunt, you just need to put your point forward. This will make people understand that you control your life.
Think about how you feel when someone asks you to do something you don’t want to.
Some people often get a bad feeling when someone asks them to do something they don’t want to, but they ignore it. This time, pay attention to how you feel when you’re put into a situation you don’t want to be in. If you feel irritated, stressed or frustrated when someone comes up to you about work or any favor. Say no immediately. Don’t put yourself in a position you don’t want to be in.
Be honest and clear about your feelings,”I don’t feel good being in that environment” or” I don’t feel like taking up this job”. You need to portray that you will only say yes if you want to say yes, not due to any need to please people.
Save yourself from a lot of unwanted situations by starting to say no. This doesn’t make you a bad person, it helps you develop some control over your life.
Do you have a hard time saying no? Are you always looking to please people?
Let me know in the comments.