I just turned 21 today! Yes, the 6th of July 1999 is my birth date in case you don’t know. Send me a birthday wish please, I need it(joking). I don’t really do much on my birthday, totally not a party person. I just go out with my friends for lunch and then go out with my family for dinner. But since this year, COVID-19 is wandering over our head, I’m gonna enjoy my time at home & cooking for my family. I’ve actually fallen in love with cooking in this lockdown period, it’s so therapeutic.
Coming back to the topic, These 21 years have been a roller coaster for me. I know every person’s life is filled with ups and downs, highs and lows but we all agree that every person is different and so are their experiences. We learn so much through these experiences and they shape us into who we are. A year ago, I never imagined myself to be the person I am today. I’m happier, healthier, and have come in terms with the fact that whatever happens, happens for a reason.
So I’m gonna share what I learned in these 21 years of my life, This is going to be longer than any other of my blog posts but I hope I can help you realize some things you’ve been missing out.
It’s never too late to learn something new.
You can be 60 and still learn a lot of stuff if you’re willing to. I’ve seen so many videos of elder people learning to dance or use a phone during this lockdown time. We give up hope after reaching a certain age or after earning a degree, thinking that we are done on the learning process but it actually never ends. It happened with me too, I thought I can’t learn anything new after my education. Instead, I was so amazed after realizing there’s so much more I could do, I could learn. Now, I’m always excited to try new stuff. So, never give up on the learning process, look forward to learning new things always.
Life’s too short to be with people who aren’t good to you.
There’s nothing worse than being surrounded by people who make you feel bad about yourself and your thought process. It blocks your thinking and growing too. I’ve had my fair share of people who didn’t add any value to my life, nor treated me good.Now, I can proudly say I’ve gotten rid of them and I’m very happy with the people I have in my life. They not only love me but also accept me as a person and encourage me to do better. They call me out on my wrongdoings but I know they come from a good place & that is needed too. When you’re in such surroundings, you are definitely going to grow and prosper.
Don’t apologize for being you.
People are going to judge you, criticize you and shame you, a lot. But this shouldn’t stop you from being you. Never apologize for being the person you are. Never compromise your values, change your opinion or habits to fit into some group or someone’s life. This will only make you lose your self-worth. Be unapologetically you. The right ones will always be by your side, they won’t try to change you.
Love yourself the way you are.
Accept yourself as the person you are. Fall in love with yourself. We all are born different and there are things we cannot change about ourselves. So, why fret over it? Yes, most of us have insecurities about how we look, it’s very normal but those insecurities should never overpower your mind to make you start hating yourself. You should embrace how you are, whether skinny or curvy, tall or short. The society will always judge you, but never try to change who you are as a person. If you want to change how you look, change what you can, for yourself, to feel better, to be healthier but never ever to impress someone or to fit in.
Mental Health should be a priority
This is something I learned this past year only. Being internally happy & satisfied with yourself and with your life is one of the most important things I’m aiming for. In fact, everyone should. Mental Health is not about always being happy, that’s a very wrong perception. Being mentally healthy is about accepting yourself, feeling every emotion, and letting it go when it should. I am so much aware of my emotions now. I’ve learned to express myself, feel my emotions, and not to bury them in. Burying them into yourself isn’t going to help you even a little bit, in fact, it can create more problems than it would’ve if you expressed it right away. Always look out for yourself and block all the negative vibes from your life, as much as you can. I’ve learned to deal with them and to not let it overpower me. Take care of your mental health, it’s not a choice, it should be a priority.
Everything happens for a reason.
After my schooling, I was very much interested in the hospitality industry, it always fascinated me & I wanted to be a part of it very badly. I gave some entrances to the training institutes. Luck was so much by my side that I cleared all the selection levels and got an acceptance letter from the institute of my choice. But due to some unavoidable conditions, I couldn’t get enrolled in the program. I was so frustrated & sad to not be able to do what I wanted to. But life actually had other plans for me, as a back up I’d also given a few other entrance exams for management degree and got enrolled into a bachelor’s degree of business administration. It’s a pretty easy degree to pursue and I’ve almost completed it. Meanwhile, I found & learned where my heart lies. Something I’m very much invested and also have fun doing. No points for guessing.
Not everyone will be happy from you
You could jump from a cliff for someone and they will still question your intentions. So please never do that. What I learned is, you will never be able to keep everyone happy. That’s never going to happen, trust me. You make one person happy, the other one’s pissed, you make the other one happy, a bunch of unsatisfied and unhappy people pop up out of nowhere. You will exhaust yourself mentally and physically to be in good books of everyone. So don’t even try. Be yourself, be happy with yourself, the world can stay grumpy.
It’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Don’t stress yourself by thinking you don’t have a plan of action. For me, I have nothing planned out for my future. Sure my days are planned and my to-do list is ready the night before but I have no idea of long term. I’m just taking each day at a time and seeing how things turn out. It’s okay to not have a plan, it’s okay to not have it figured out. Life always turns out good for us, trust the process.
Quality is more important than quantity
This is for the people around you. You can go to endless parties, get together or lunches with large no. of people who you probably just know by name, they will never give you the satisfaction, love, and support that just 2 or 3 people can. I used to have a big group of friends, later i realized no one was actually real to me, it’s better to get rid of them. Always prefer quality over quantity. It feels good to have a large group of friends but it won’t necessarily make you feel internally happy. And dealing with too many people means too much drama. Abort that mission.
Forgive yourself
For all the stupid mistakes you did, trusting some people, stuttering while giving a presentation, making the wrong decision. Forgive yourself. You are in this world to learn, to grow, don’t block that process by being harsh on yourself and overthinking every bad moment of your life. Forgive and let go.
Don’t do it just because everyone else is doing it
Like the old saying by our mothers – If everyone’s jumping in the well, will you too? We often do some things just because we see other people doing it, like getting a tattoo or posting pictures on Instagram. While it’s okay to follow a trend, don’t do it just because everyone else is doing it. Do it only if you agree with it, comfortable in doing it, and have proper knowledge about it. Don’t follow the crowd. Be different.
Everything is temporary
The only thing constant in this world is change. I’ve learned that no situation is permanent, if you’re down today, tomorrow will be better. If things aren’t working well even after doing your best, have patience, you will see better days, your hard work will pay off. Never stop pushing yourself to move forward. If you’re in a mess, don’t give up, you don’t wanna stay in the mess, you want to move ahead and get out of it.
Take time off for self-care
Take time off for yourself. Do things that help you relax. You cannot be working and productive always. I’ve learned this the hard way. For almost 3 months I was always thinking, working, and trying to be productive. After a while I was just running on autopilot, no time for myself, always engrossed in doing things, It felt I was thinking in my sleep too. Then comes a time when you just break down. Your quality of work declines, your health deteriorates and your thinking just stops. You look back and you see that everything you were doing was just out of habit and not because you wanted to do it. You stopped having a good time. It takes a toll on your mind, or some people say brain fog. After that, I’ve made a point to take out at least 10 mins from my day to do something that doesn’t require me to think too much, which relaxes my mind and resets my body. Not only it feels great but it also improved the quality of work.
You will fail
No good experience or lesson comes from bad decisions or failure. You will fail, things will go down, you will face losses, life will be hard, getting out of bed will feel like a task. Amidst all this, don’t be disheartened. Nothing beautiful comes without suffering. Look where you went wrong and learn from it. This is one of the best things I’ve learned so far. I no longer fear being failed. Everything i do, I do it without any fear. What’s the worst that will happen? I’ll fail. So what? Will it stop me from taking any chances of doing something? Never. Accept failure, face it.
You don’t need to drink, smoke to have fun
This is something many of you will not be agreeing with. But it stands true for me. I’ve never tried any kind of drinking or smoking, and let me tell you, I’ve never felt that I’ve missed out on anything. Let’s just say I don’t need to be drunk or high to do crazy stuff. My normal self does it just the same way. I don’t like to not be in control of my brain and actions. I have fun the same way knowing what I’m doing, taking full responsibility for it. At least I remember what I did, have memories, unlike most people who wake up with a hangover having no idea what they did.
Worrying isn’t worth it
We make scenarios in our heads that do no good to us, instead, we prepare for the worst to happen. We hold ourselves at such a low standard thinking we’ll not be able to win the situation. Worrying is just putting yourself through the situation twice. Why do you want to suffer and face that horrifying moment twice? I know this is something that is not completely in your hands, but you can control it to an extent. One time I was very anxious for an interview, this happens almost every time I go in for a verbal test or an interview, but it actually turns out just fine. Sometimes it didn’t feel worth worrying about. Try to be as positive as you but be ready to fail too. Also, sometimes, fake it till you make it.
Be grateful for everything you have in life
We often fail to appreciate the little things around us, stop valuing things after we have them. Do not ever take things or people for granted, nothing stays forever. Wake up and practice gratitude every morning. Tell people what they mean to you before it’s too late. One quote I’ve learned to live by – ” A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles”. Others might be wishing for the things you have in abundance. Cherish the little things you have, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
People’s attitude towards you is a reflection of themselves
I always wondered why some people are more rude or bitter than others, why they look for negatives in every people and situation. Then I read somewhere that how they behave is the reflection of their inner self and has nothing related to you. It made so much sense after that. Some people have been through the same experience or some people are insecure about themselves, instead of trying to move forward and heal, they project it on other people without thinking about how they would feel. So when someone is rude to you or extremely negative in every situation, don’t fight or argue with them. Understand that they are not completely aware of their inner self and need to do some healing. Try to understand why are they this way. Kindness goes a long way.
Don’t take criticism personally
I wish I learned this earlier. People will criticize you. They will have an opinion on everything you do. Some will just do it because they don’t wanna see you grow, some project their own insecurities on you and some people are just filled with negative vibes. Don’t take it to your heart. Listen to them carefully, work on it only if it seems worthy, otherwise let it flow from you. Don’t let it disturb your inner peace.
It’s okay to say No
Don’t do anything to please others or because you don’t want to say no. I’ve ended up in situations where I never wanted to be in just because I couldn’t say no and didn’t want the other person to hate me. I had a hard time learning to say no. When you say no, you’re not only setting a boundary but also making them aware that you are not always available, your time is valuable. Don’t overwhelm yourself with things you don’t want to do. Just say NO. Whether it’s work, family, or friends.
Be open to new perspectives, opinions
One of the worst things you can do to block your growth is being rigid with your opinion. Don’t be afraid to be wrong. If someone else has conflicting opinions or perspective than you, avoid arguing with them and try to understand their point of view. You might learn a few things or it might open a path for you that you thought never existed. Be excited to gain more knowledge.
These were the 21 lessons i learned in 21 years of my life, so much more left to learn. Like i said the process never stops. I hope you read it through the end and liked it. Do share your views in the comment section below.
Check out my blog post on Promises you should make to yourself.
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